TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
