my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
