she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
