It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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