my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
