How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
