i think i have herpe
just one?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
