but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
