Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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