when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
