the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
