wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
