dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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