I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
