If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
