Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
