Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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