I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
