right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
