wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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