I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
