SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
