I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The struggles of a small town man whore
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
