he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
