i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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