Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
