I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize