i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
