If that was your dad, he is hot
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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