But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
