Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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