Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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