My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
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