Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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