you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
