When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
