do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
