I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
