I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
