so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
