did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
