Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize