there's paper in my vomit.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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