Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize