I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
