I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
