You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
