just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
