I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
