I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
