My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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