Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
