i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
