so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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