well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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