Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
