What a fucking waste of an outfit
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
a search helicopter?!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All the doctor said was why
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
