How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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