i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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