ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The Olympian is in my bed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
