Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
