I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
