Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
