this just has baby written all over it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
