I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
