Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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