For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
