for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my liver is dry heaving
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
