he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's blow job season.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
