Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
