There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
