I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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