mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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