Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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