Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
