i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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