i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize