So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
