You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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