i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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