I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
