You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize