i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
