you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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