I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My balls are so social today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize