pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
