Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i think im in europe. pls send help
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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