my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
