She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
