dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We left an ass print on the piano.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
