just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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