I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
