I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
