yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
