No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
