My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
