im drinking this country out of the recession.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
