last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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