Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
