Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
