i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i love accidental penises.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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