I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
