I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
