Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
