just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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